my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
