It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
