We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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