i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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