Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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