Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
