I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
