i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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