...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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