you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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