and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
