i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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