i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
