Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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