After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
