i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
