Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Randomize
