So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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