tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
