I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
