its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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