i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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