i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
