she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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