I'm going to rape someone's good day.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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