did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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