my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
