I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
