It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
