he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
