You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
