your parents love me but you hate me
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
