May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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