oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
