this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
