I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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