She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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