I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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