The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
