she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
