the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
