what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
