It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
