I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
