I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Come see our sink grown plant.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
