This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
