remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm bleeding and have questions
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
