I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
