Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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