Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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